i love charles oakley.
as in...
at forward. 6' 8". number 34. tri-captain charles oakley.
in case you don't know...
for almost a decade, the oak was the heart, soul and big bad ass of my beloved new york knickerbockers. my currently broken, disgraced, embarassing new york knickerbockers. every night, #34 would hit the garden court, get the knicks his usual 10 and 12, and, more importantly, knock the hot tar out of anyone dumb enough to try to get an easy basket. they may have dubbed patrick ewing 'the warrior' up in the blue seats, but if it ever came time to really go to war - all out brass knuckle type skull breakin' nut stompin' war - i'd go with oak every single time.
and i'm pretty sure i'm not alone.
need proof?
do you know who michael jordan's wingman is? every night? in real life?
charles oakley.
that's got to count for something, right?
one time i accidentally saw the two of them together, coming out of the four seasons in houston on allstar weekend as i was walking back to our crew van. any eyewitnesses would tell you that they saw a lot of flashbulbs, and about 30 people standing there caught up in the moment yelling "michael! michael!" oh, and one little jew shouting "oak! oak!"
(that would be me.)
more proof?
the oak stepped up and silently bitch-slapped career nba bum tyrone hill on the court, pre tip-off when hill wouldn't pay up $54,000 after losing to oak at dice. a couple of years later, he popped a seated jeff mcinnis at a shoot around over a woman.
plus, he runs a notoriously efficient and well-maintained chain of car washes.
so, why am i writing about oak, 4 years after his retirement from the nba?
he wants to come back. at 43 years old.
and i'm all for it.
bottom line, the nba could use a guy like the oak these days. someone needs to step up and teach the young punks what hustle is. what busting your ass on the court is. and how to wear a merlot purple double breasted suit.
but don't take my word for it. let's let the man himself speak - from today's episode of PTI...
"i can bring a lot of influence. and that's what a lot of teams need. details. like a car wash. manicure. flower bed. whatever."
yes, oak. the league needs a manicure. and a flower bed. especially the knicks.
spread the word.
bring back the oak.
and fuck isiah thomas.
as in...
at forward. 6' 8". number 34. tri-captain charles oakley.
in case you don't know...
for almost a decade, the oak was the heart, soul and big bad ass of my beloved new york knickerbockers. my currently broken, disgraced, embarassing new york knickerbockers. every night, #34 would hit the garden court, get the knicks his usual 10 and 12, and, more importantly, knock the hot tar out of anyone dumb enough to try to get an easy basket. they may have dubbed patrick ewing 'the warrior' up in the blue seats, but if it ever came time to really go to war - all out brass knuckle type skull breakin' nut stompin' war - i'd go with oak every single time.
and i'm pretty sure i'm not alone.
need proof?
do you know who michael jordan's wingman is? every night? in real life?
charles oakley.
that's got to count for something, right?
one time i accidentally saw the two of them together, coming out of the four seasons in houston on allstar weekend as i was walking back to our crew van. any eyewitnesses would tell you that they saw a lot of flashbulbs, and about 30 people standing there caught up in the moment yelling "michael! michael!" oh, and one little jew shouting "oak! oak!"
(that would be me.)
more proof?
the oak stepped up and silently bitch-slapped career nba bum tyrone hill on the court, pre tip-off when hill wouldn't pay up $54,000 after losing to oak at dice. a couple of years later, he popped a seated jeff mcinnis at a shoot around over a woman.
plus, he runs a notoriously efficient and well-maintained chain of car washes.
so, why am i writing about oak, 4 years after his retirement from the nba?
he wants to come back. at 43 years old.
and i'm all for it.
bottom line, the nba could use a guy like the oak these days. someone needs to step up and teach the young punks what hustle is. what busting your ass on the court is. and how to wear a merlot purple double breasted suit.
but don't take my word for it. let's let the man himself speak - from today's episode of PTI...
"i can bring a lot of influence. and that's what a lot of teams need. details. like a car wash. manicure. flower bed. whatever."
yes, oak. the league needs a manicure. and a flower bed. especially the knicks.
spread the word.
bring back the oak.
and fuck isiah thomas.
6 comments:
I knew we were supposed to be friends. I'm a Knicks fan through my DNA. And my all time favorite Knick - Charles "mother fucking throw himself on the ground for a loose ball badass" Oakley.
BRING BACK THE OAK.
fuck Isiah Thomas. In a big way.
OH YEAH! great post. I love Oak. I didn't know he ran with MJ.
Sammy Badass says, can we start the John Starks draft effort here too?/
I swear on all that is holy that I spent months trying to convince my wife to name our first-born child Oakley (if it was a girl, I wanted Oakley to be her middle name.) As a die-hard Knicks fan, I watched Oak bring it every single night. Not much talent but more sheer will and determination than anyone in the NBA.
I was lucky enough to party with him a few times in NYC. The man is cool as shit. Used to wear this purple suit with a matching hat that made all the ladies crazy.
P.S. the wife never agreed. However, she did tell me that when we get our next dog, I can name him Barkley.
1) Here's some karma for you... you can start hoping it links up now.
http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=2816773
2) The Sports Guy on ESPN.com's Page 2 says it all right here (about a quarter of the way into the article under "Best random celebrity moment of the weekend" and then the next part titled "The John Shaft Award", and then the last paragraph too under "Best Random Celebrity Moment Ever")
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/060220
while we are fucking isiah thomas, can we fuck charles smith, too ???!!! kaythanxbye ...
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