Chapter 35

where have the posts gone?

well, as a wise man once said, 'there's doings a-transpiring!'

i think it was a fat guy from shelbyville with curly hair standing in the auto impound lot in the lemon tree episode of the simpsons, but i'm not 100% certain.

(actually, i am, because i am 15% nerd and 100% cursed with a photographic memory for useless media detritus. but anyway...)

it's been quite a week 'round the old berg place. and thankfully, that week was the kind of week that ends with your face a bit stronger from the smile-workout you've been doing every single day.

and although i'm not normally one for rote re-caps, seeing as i assume that the strangers out there in Internetland who don't really know me or my kin don't rightfully care too much about the trivialities of my day-to-day-to-day, i'm going to run it down as it all happened - if not for you or for me, then for my biographers, who i assume will pore over this blog someday and thank their lucky stars in the dark dark night that someone made their miserable lives a little easier.

so let's begin last wednesday night...


...the night my little baby boys jb and ab stepped up and became pre-k alumni before my very eyes.

yes, with all four grandparents kvelling in their seats, and their proud mama, papa and baby brother looking on, my little men joined the graduating class of their preschool in standing on the stage, singing 5 songs, doing the mexican hat dance and macarena for some reason, receiving their diplomas, and showing off their well-deserved grins.





i was prepared for a torrent of joy-tears, but ultimately only had to dry a few. in the end, the whole thing was more cute than emotional, but i will cop to snotting a bit during the final march out to 'pomp and circumstance'.


the ceremony was followed by a near bar-mitzvah level celebration in the adjoining ballroom - wonderfully organized by mrs b and a few of her fellow classmothers/friends. there was a dj, a farewell video i was forced to help produce against my will, and a bountiful spread for all to enjoy. the kids went apeshit on the dancefloor from the moment the music started pumping, and all the bubbies and zaydes ate like they had two assholes.

it was a joy to behold - even if a few of the whinier alter kockers complained to mrs b that there weren't enough strawberries or that - no joke - the paper plate that they were offered off the stack was smaller than the paper plate people ahead of them in line got before they ran out and had to open a new bag.

...

next up for the crew was a little saturday night birthday party mrs b threw for me in the berg family backyard.


a few dozen of my friends, family members and i enjoyed the taco stylings of lety's catering, the intoxicating chill of a margarita man margarita machine, plenty of beer, and sprinkles cupcakes instead of a cake.

it was a blast - and to top it all off, my folks surprised me by flying in my brother from new york to join in the festivities. the only thing that would have made things even better was if i hadn't decided to drunkenly snap self-portraits with just about every single guest at the party, thereby capturing my puffy bosom and new double chin along with a semi-fey zoolanderish lip purse/stare for posterity and forever.



(i know i don't have to post a few of those shots here, but how honest is telling without showing?)


and after all the fun and drinking and eating and snapping and laughing and laughing, jb did something cute enough to make him a forever-and-ever legend among everyone hanging out. somewhere on the short side of 11 pm, once he and his brother decided they had had enough partying and were going to abandon their goal of making it up until midnight, jb announced he wasn't going to bed without hugging every single guest.

and that's just what he did.


every


single


guest.


and then me.


and after all that, father's day and my birthday on monday were kind of anti-climactic.

which leads us to another wise man, who once said, "have you been to college? 'cause we only take yeggs what's been to college."

this of course, has no correlation at all to what i've just written about, but it does give me a chance to quote miller's crossing. and that movie's the shit.